SLiM: Look Mom, No han... ow!

The camp went on a trip to a water park. It was fun, convenient, and best of all, it had heated water. Outside, there was a large waterslide, which you got into a tube, and went down the slide at something like 35 mph. At the end, you are hurled out into a 2 foot deep pool. In order for you to not break at least 1 bone, you must stay in your tube.

I’ll tell you what the slide is like: turn, flip to 90 degrees, straight down, turn, flip 90 degrees, turn, etc. As you can tell, it would be pretty hard to stay in your tube, so as to avoid fracturing your legs and arms.

If not for the handles...

The Handles are strips of material attached to the sides of the tube.

Of course, since there are idiotic people in the world, the first rule the attendants tell you is “Hold onto The Handles on the sides, and don’t let go until you are at the bottom.”

And of course, the first thing that pops into an idiot’s mind is “So, the dude told me to hold on. So, of course, I’m not going to hold on.” At this point, the moron goes down, not holding onto The Handles, and within 3 seconds he is thrust off his tube, and is forced to spend the rest of his ride struggling to catch his tube, as he reflects on his virtually endless stupidity. That’s until he hits the bottom.

When he hits the bottom, he says “Ow.” He then forgets all that has happened to him since the attendant told him to hold onto The Handles. All he knows is that there is a throbbing pain in his leg. He then proceeds to repeat everything that has happened since he got up the stairs to the top of the slide.

I really don’t understand these people.