SLiM: Boom! Pow! Bucks!

Another revelation hit me as I was watching the fireworks on the 4th, and after the finale I was shouting “Encore! Encore!” very loudly.

We enjoy a firework for about 5 seconds before it fades into oblivion both physically and in our minds. I don’t know how much it costs for a firework, but I imagine it’s not something I would just say at K-Mart, “The groceries total out to $45, while we’re talking about price, could you toss in a professional firework for a few extra bucks?” Remember, we’re talking about the real deal fireworks here, not the cheap things that just go “pop!” and then go out.

But that’s not the crazy thing involved here. The crazy thing is, for maybe 3 minutes we’re screaming “Give us more fireworks!” But if, by some strange twist of nature they did make an encore, we would spend the next year screaming “Why did we ask for those 8 extra minutes of entertainment?” I’ll explain what I mean.

We all know that we are being taxed too much (from what I hear). Those taxes go to things like fixing roads, bettering the fire department, and TV broadcasting. These are things that I would probably not mind too much to pay a little chunk of the money for. After all, if the roads aren’t good, I’m going to end up having to pay for my busted tire, anyway. The taxes also happen to go into entertainment bills, too, which means that we are essentially paying for the fireworks ourselves.

I’m not sure what you think, but I think that it is downright idiocy to pay a quite a few extra dollars to have 15 more fireworks, or to have all the fireworks have a bang that is 10 decibels louder.

As you may know, the U.S. government spent $277,000 on pickle research in 1993. Now, this case is not nearly as crazy as that, but if the government actually knew what was good for us, they wouldn’t have billed us to pay for bigger “Ooh! Ahh!” s, or for us to know more about the “science of the mysterious pickle”.

But, you may ask, aren't fireworks patriotic? Aren't they worth spending tax money on?

My answer to that question is: I doubt spending our hard-earned money was what the Founding Fathers had in mind for a celebration.