To
my dear readers who have faithfully checked this site every now and then over
the last two years, hoping something would show up to support their notion that
the beloved runner of this blog was not, in fact, dead, I have an announcement to
make.
It
would now behoove me to explain just how shocking this newsflash will be. If
you have high blood pressure, or have experienced a seizure before, just take
note of the fact that I have just taken the time to single you out to yourself.
If you happen to be sitting next to a doctor, you may consult his opinion as to
whether you ought to read on. Otherwise, just give yourself a hearty round of
applause and try not to have a heart attack or seizure; because if you do, I
don’t plan on holding myself responsible. This means that I will ignore any
lawsuit your relatives bring up against me – and I won’t even have a guilty
conscience – because your medical problems have nothing to do with me or my
blog.
If
you are pregnant, I wish you mazel tov
and request that you finish reading this just like any other person.
If
you are a nominee in this year’s presidential race, you will probably finish
reading this and proceed to blame the poorly written parts on your enemies
while taking credit for my good grammar and sentence structure. You will then
give a speech detailing your catchphrase and your enemy’s Achilles’ heel while
saying nothing of substance about yourself or your plans. (With this
established, what, exactly, do you want my $25 for?) Because I know this will
not change, I’m not even going to bother giving you any advice.
And
if you are just a reader, I expect that my announcement will surprise you at
least as much as when you heard that Newt had officially ended his incredibly
powerful, Mitt-crushing campaign.
I am
returning to my post as Conversations at
the Dinner Table’s writer-editor-director-coordinator-dictator!
At
least for right now.
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