SLiM: PETA Unleashed

You know by now how much I just love PETA. (See this post.) You also know by now that I love random facts (see random fact on sidebar). Here’s a random fact for you: In India, cows have the same rights as humans, including the right to sue. If you will, all PETA members would just love to see their cows sue.

However, this would create a lot of problems for the people in India. First of all, PETA would give the right to sue to all animals. Soon, all of the court cases will sound something like this:

Judge: what brings you to court, gentlemen?
Plaintiff: Woof bark bark yip, woof woof arooooooo!
Judge: What do you have to say for yourself, sir?
Defendant: Squeak squeak, nibble eep squeak.
Judge: I see. Jury?
Jury (you must realize, the jury is made of a combination of humans and cows): We find the defendant guilty of all charges, sir.
Judge: I hereby award the plaintiff 3.5 million dollars.
Plaintiff (triumphantly): Woof, woof, woof, yip!

I am not exactly thrilled to think of the possibility of a beetle suing for the accidental destruction of its home.

Next, PETA would allow the race of anteaters to become part of the working force, if they so wish. Truthfully, I am not aware and I don’t want to know of the quality of pencils, whose production is supervised by overweight gorillas.

Finally, PETA will allow all animals to be elected to public office, and rules will pass that all humans must be kept on leashes.

And the PETA idiots will say, “This is the way the world is meant to be.”

To end: PETA must be stopped. It must be pounded until it is literally crushed. It must be erased so our children, and our grandchildren, will be able to say “What’s PETA?” and go outside to play without having to walk on their tiptoes to avoid stepping on an innocent ant.

If we do not do this, the full force of PETA will be unleashed upon the world. We will be forced to send them to India, where they will be happy for 10 minutes.

Here’s my philosophy: Better to destroy India than to destroy the United States.