SLiM: Thank you Dear Readers

Something odd has happened here at the blog. No, it’s not the fact that someone actually listened to me and commented “read your post” unless if I whispered in their ear “You havta comment…”. It’s not the fact that I got more than 4 comments on a post. It’s not even one of my delightful siblings deciding “hmm… I’m bored. I know! I’ll post on the blog that I’m supposed to be posting on for the past 3 months!” No, it’s something reassuring.

1,000 hits! That’s 1,000 divided by four months of blogging, equals an average of 250 hits per month. 62(and a half; but really, why do those graphs say 45.2 out of 50 Chinese don’t blah blah blah…?) per week! 9 a day!! Once every 3 hours!!!

So, you see, my blog is read quite commonly. Granted, that is an average, and yes, I do check at least once a day to see if anyone commented, but yeah, it is great.

No baseball player has gotten an average of a home run once every 3 hours. I, on the other hand, have.

Now yes, it would be reassuring to see if you would all comment “read your post,” but I feel better already.

I expect another 1,000 comments by the end of February, but until then, keep checking.

I’m definitely not going to be happy until that average is at 2,000, and maybe then we can throw a party for my readers. So keep checking, and hope there’s still some gold somewhere in California for me.

SLiM: PETA Unleashed

You know by now how much I just love PETA. (See this post.) You also know by now that I love random facts (see random fact on sidebar). Here’s a random fact for you: In India, cows have the same rights as humans, including the right to sue. If you will, all PETA members would just love to see their cows sue.

However, this would create a lot of problems for the people in India. First of all, PETA would give the right to sue to all animals. Soon, all of the court cases will sound something like this:

Judge: what brings you to court, gentlemen?
Plaintiff: Woof bark bark yip, woof woof arooooooo!
Judge: What do you have to say for yourself, sir?
Defendant: Squeak squeak, nibble eep squeak.
Judge: I see. Jury?
Jury (you must realize, the jury is made of a combination of humans and cows): We find the defendant guilty of all charges, sir.
Judge: I hereby award the plaintiff 3.5 million dollars.
Plaintiff (triumphantly): Woof, woof, woof, yip!

I am not exactly thrilled to think of the possibility of a beetle suing for the accidental destruction of its home.

Next, PETA would allow the race of anteaters to become part of the working force, if they so wish. Truthfully, I am not aware and I don’t want to know of the quality of pencils, whose production is supervised by overweight gorillas.

Finally, PETA will allow all animals to be elected to public office, and rules will pass that all humans must be kept on leashes.

And the PETA idiots will say, “This is the way the world is meant to be.”

To end: PETA must be stopped. It must be pounded until it is literally crushed. It must be erased so our children, and our grandchildren, will be able to say “What’s PETA?” and go outside to play without having to walk on their tiptoes to avoid stepping on an innocent ant.

If we do not do this, the full force of PETA will be unleashed upon the world. We will be forced to send them to India, where they will be happy for 10 minutes.

Here’s my philosophy: Better to destroy India than to destroy the United States.

SLiM: Morning in America?

A while ago, during the Obama campaign, there were two main things that got Obama into office. They are the teleprompter and the press.

Obama himself promised much during his campaign, and invented a catchy slogan that will remind one much of his childhood days and our friend Bob and his gal, Wendy. The Obama sign, however, was quite interesting.

One day, the whole Dinner Table Clan loaded into the car for a trip to the New Detroit Science Center. As we rumbled through downtown Detroit, a shout resonated through the car, “Why does the Obama sign show a setting sun?”

Silence ensued. No answer could be found.

Look carefully at an Obama sign. Doesn’t it look more like a setting sun to you than anything?

SLiM: Radio

The radio is great, informative, and fun. It is not as dangerous as TV. It gives accurate current information, as well as very inaccurate weather information for your enjoyment\frustration. (Recently, camp was going to our grand trip, but being geniuses, we checked the weather for the next day. There were supposed to be severe thunderstorms on the morrow, so we postponed the trip. The next day, there was a torrential drizzle lasting 6 minutes that didn’t even leave puddles big enough to step in and make a splash. But I am heading away from my topic, so I digress.)

You will usually hear the traffic reporter saying something like this:
The     traffic     on     the     eastbound     highway     is     backed     up     due     to     a     rollover     in     the     left     lane.

However, you will usually hear the ending of his report like this:

I’m     traffic     manager     Robert     Crew     on     NPR     newshave     you     ever     wanted     a     car      with     cushiony     seats?

Notice how much time elapses between each word and how the ending of our pal Robert Crew’s report mysteriously ends with no spaces and a car commercial comes on. To the regular listener, it’s business as usual. For the rare listener, it sounds strange, to say the least.

I asked around about the nospaceinbetweendifferentshows thing, and I found out that they do it so stupid people won’t get freaked out that their radio isn’t working. I mean, if there are 2 seconds of blank space, it must mean that the radio is broken.

The obvious problem: If this is true, than why do the talkers actually pause for, like, 1.5 seconds between words? I really don’t get it.

SLiM: Hope this doesn't sound desperate...

M.M. loves Facebook. Rabbim loves Facebook. Now I love Facebook too, as Rabbim uses it as advertising my newest posts. Looking at Facebook, however, I noticed a gadget which belongs on Conversations at the Dinner Table.

Beneath a posting on a wall, there always 3 choices for you. They are comment, like, and, share. While comment is sometimes used on this blog, and as far as I know share is used a lot (“Hey look, SLiM posted something new!”), like is not used.

Here’s how we’re going to work on this blog from now on. If you have the decency, time, patience, and idea to comment, you must do it. If you are missing either the decency, time, patience or ideas to comment, please use a differentiated version of like. I request that you write the following on “comment”: “Read your post,” and then sign your name. If you don’t want me to know that you read my post, sign off anonymously, I don’t care here.

But remember the deal. If you could comment, please do so.

I know this sounds desperate, but I feel like no one has read my post if I have no comments.

Other people may feel this way too, but to date, I have seen no requests like my own. If you want to add it to your blog, that’s fine.

Remember, I’m expecting at least 10 “comments” on every post from now on.